Stingaree Bar

Obvious Reasons to Never Have a College Boyfriend

Ever felt like you woke up one day and every girl you know has a boyfriend? Your best friend does, your frenemy does, and even that weird girl in your chem lab seems to be cuddling up with some cutie in between classes. Why don’t I have a boyfriend? Why does not one want to cuddle with me? Before you ask these questions let me tell you- its OK to not have a college boyfriend, hey… it might even be better not spend every waking moment with bae.


As the story goes, you fall in love, get married and live happily ever after, right? That’s what we all imagine when we think about what it will be like when we find the “one.” Well, in college we either go through relationships like we do Kamikaze shots at the bar or we stay in one for the long haul. It doesn’t matter which type of relationship you pursue, because they all start the same way. You usually hookup and then forget that you don’t love them, you lust them.

Let me remind you. Lust basically means you’re totally focused on a person’s looks and body and you’re interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.

Love is much more serious. Love means you get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing. If your in love you want to get to meet his or her family and friends.

So is that Theta Chi from Friday night trying to meet your parents this weekend? I don’t think so.

While the odds may be against committed relationships, there are some happy couples to be seen around. Even at college you see couples walking hand in hand. It happens, but not typically. Listen closely for the obvious reasons why having a boyfriend in college absolutely sucks.

Lesson #1: Grades matter.
This is my number one, because you don’t realize how caught up you are in your dumb relationships until it’s too late. This girl flunked not one, but all four of her Chem 102 exams. Instead of dealing with drunken frat boy boyfriends, I should have been frying my brain with pages and pages of oxidation-reduction reaction and pH problems. If I would have done that, I might not have to retake that God forsaken class.

Lesson #2: A bed all you yourself.
Ain’t nothin’ better than not having to wake up to someone with smelly breath, smashing you up against a wall, and taking up the entire bed. I don’t know about you, but I like my sleep. I also like my tiny, twin-sized bed all to myself. Also, if your going to have a sleepover make sure it’s at his house so you can leave and not have to worry about hurting baes feelings when you say, “could you leave?”

Lesson #3: Staying in.
You know what this means, right? Wine, naps, Netflix, and not having to look cute at all. This means no bra, no pants, and no makeup… I mean this is a recipe for every college girl’s ideal Saturday night, but instead we are forced to take shots, a lot of shots. You could wake up looking like Godzilla or the Grudge, and no one would ever have to know. I think that’s pretty incredible.

Lesson #4: Seeing your ex-boyfriend out is awful.
Just seeing him is an awkward confrontation. Be brief. Be sincere. Be gone. Smile. Say hello…and then politely go your own way and head to the nearest bush and project vomit into it! Or… if you wanted to be civil about it and your too drunk to realize its your ex, acknowledge each other. Say hello. Do not involve others. Do not fight in front of others. Don’t play the childish games of attempting to make the other person jealous by paying attention to someone you know will upset them. If you do all of the following I told you not to do you will end up in the corner of the bar crying while all your sorority sisters (who you don’t even like) try and help the situation. After a couple minutes of you being choked with fake b*tches you leave the bar with your best friend and cry until you finally make it home.

Lesson #5: Post-grads are at least a little more mature.
Maybe I surrounded myself with cads, but most of the guys I met in college only cared about sleeping around as much as possible before finishing school. While there are definitely some sleazy post-grads out there, men are at least a little more grown up and mature after their college years. I cringe to think about what my life would look like now had I ended up with any of the bros I fell for at UA. Perhaps they changed after graduation, but I had another pool of contenders by then.

Lesson #6: You will have more time.
When you’re single, you can have a fun social life with whomever you want. You can go out for coffee or a slice of pizza with different friends every week if you want to, and you can go out to parties or go away on trips with your friends any time you like without feeling like bae will get pissed. When you start a relationship with a new partner you may want to spend all your time with this new person at first. But after a while, you may come to miss the carefree times you had with your friends and wish you had more time for them.

Lesson #7: Summer breaks suck.
So you’re dating someone from another city, and you won’t see them much over the summer. If both parties aren’t totally serious about the relationship, I recommend calling it quits before heading home. Before summer, discuss expectations and talk about how much you’re going to communicate. If each person doesn’t put in the same amount of effort, someone will get hurt.

Lesson #8: Guy friends.
This is also a given, people. I was lucky enough to have really great guy friends my college years who bought me milkshakes and even brought me a bottle of vodka after failing an exam or having a bad day. Guy friends, along with girlfriends, will often make you smile way more than the McDreamy in your life could. Until someone comes along who lights up your world, enjoy the finer things of college life. You won’t regret it!

College is a time where the number one word coming out of your mouth should be YOLO, but…it’s hard to feel free to make bad decisions when you’ve got someone from home sending you a constant stream of text messages when your out on a Saturday night.

Ditch the BF, and YOLO.

Whats next? Why Online Dating isn’t for Everyone